Academic/Pride Achievement

Undergraduate Degree

​

After 23-yers of hard work and dedication, I walk across the academic stage for the first time to receive my Bachelor’s degree. Now my co-workers will take me seriously, I will finally have a voice and others will listen to what I have to say. A false assumption on my part. Others still hold me down but something deep down inside has changed. I begin to push back and speak more than ever before. Standing in one’s truth can threaten others livelihood and I quickly realize that the squeaky wheel gets laid-off or terminated. I assumed that others were causing this misfortune however, it was all due to how I was handling the situations. I was listening to respond, to prove my point, to be heard. Critical reflection was needed. I needed to unearth, examine, and change the assumptions that I had been carrying with me from organization to organization. Critical reflection assists the learner to uncover the unsettled assumptions (particularly about power) and to help with identifying a new theoretical basis from which to improve and change a practice situation (Fook and Gardner, 2007). A reflective analysis, of power relations, leads to change effected by the new awareness derived from the analysis (Fook and Gardner, 2007). I assumed that holding a higher degree would contribute to my credibility and I would finally like the person I am becoming.

​

Masters in Business administration

​

Academic accomplishments helped me gain confidence in times of struggle. I found my voice through writing and presentation. Classrooms feel like home, a safe place where others like me strive to gain knowledge in a positive manner. A program that introduced me to case studies, with a slight introduction to analytical thinking. An accelerated program that challenged me, mentally, physically and emotionally achieved my Masters in Business Administration during one of the roughest times of my life and then a few years later, it gave me an opportunity to share my knowledge and use my voice as an adjunct professor.

​

PhD/Doctoral Degree

​

I am living by myself for the first time in my life, just me and my cat, Magic. Both of us had been discarded by those that we believed loved us. It’s New Year’s Eve 2017, I have this strange inkling to write. I grab the laptop and begin to spew whatever comes to mind. Years of science-based thinking, business excursions, and academic premise flow into 10-pages of nothing that would lead me to something. After dumping the thoughts that plagued my conscious, I sensed that this was the beginning of what would be my dissertation. I look at Magic and speak. “I’m going to get my PhD.”

​

A paper, that I refer to as my dissertation, that brings those hidden thoughts and experiences to life. During my extensive career I have worked for multiple organizations, and among those experiences I discovered areas of concern that appear to lack foundational presence, and so my true identity is born. The desire to make a difference through the use of my voice becomes real, to gain enough confidence in order to allow myself permission to dream. The creation of my own theory in terms of business and the weaknesses that seem to baffle most at the top. My own evaluative model that would strengthen businesses, reduce turnover and increase profits without the addition of a certification. Obtaining a PhD would give this model power as I would now be armed with a status that less than 1% of the population holds. A voice based upon being viewed as a Subject Matter Expert, a guru due to academic degree.

​

While in the Communication and media PhD program at Bowling Green State University, I found myself struggling to fit in and gain the attention of the professors. I am not a career student, a practitioner seeking advanced education, I am the same age as my professors. Working full-time with a lot of responsibilities. A Quality Manager, an adjunct professor, a landlord, a homeowner and a student. I just started a new job and I am lost in an academic world based on philosophical means. I failed my first semester, receiving two C’s and being placed on academic probation. I continue taking classes to rebuild my GPA but I find myself lost in failure.

​

My academic advisor suggests that I enter the doctorate of organization and development program within the school of business, since my educational background is in business. I apply and get accepted to the program but I am forced to take a year off to wait for the first cohort to begin. Unable to fully engage in classes that land in the middle of my workday, I constantly feel disconnected and there is no complete theme to the program, it’s being built class by class. Then I got laid-off from my job and cannot afford to continue to pay classes, so I leave the cohort and plan to join the second cohort.

​

Cohort two begins. I’m still not happy with the cost of the program and how much time we are spending in class during work hours. I cannot focus, people are constantly interrupting me a work and it is adding frustration to my life. I overlooked the fact that I was unhappy, that this is not my path, as a matter of fact none of my attempts to procure a higher degree at Bowling Green State University were leading me to my path. There is no happiness, there is only frustration as the program, in its early stages of infancy, exhibits the signs disorganization and infighting. A practitioner-based program led by an academic, who is in disagreement with professors that are practitioners.

​

Even though this endeavor was not a good fit, I met Robyn and as well as other amazing cohort mates that have brought so much joy to my life. Little did I know that Robyn would be the catalyst to me finding the MSc Transdisciplinary Practice program and be the one to introduce me to Deana the founder of Stars to Scars, a nonprofit for suicide prevention, that led me to becoming an author and finding my voice.

​