Transformation
Book chapters for charity
I was asked to write a couple of book chapters for charity, chapters that would share my shame to help others. Scars to stars helped me find my truth and allowed me to see that I am not different from others. Again, I assumed that I was the only one struggling to live life, I was different due to the emotional darkness of the thoughts and failures I sometimes faced. I finally found my voice.
The book chapters have given me an opportunity to write, which is cathartic and for a worthy cause. The process taught me to look at others differently, to embrace each and every conversation and chance meeting. To listen and share perspectives with others and I realized that we all go through trials and tribulation, we are all the same, even though our exterior appearance is different. It’s no longer about being right or wrong, our financial status, educational achievements, or where they we fall in the hierarchical chart. It’s the time I take to acknowledge others presence and empowering them to be the best version of themselves. I am driven to be the person that I needed when I was going through rough times. The person that is willing to listen to those that are fighting the same battles that I have and to share with them the lessons I have learned, suggestions without the assumption that my way will work for everyone or that it is right.
Sharing my story has helped me to put aside my inadequacies, to accept those things I cannot change and to see the good that has come from those critical incidents. Before writing the first book chapter entitles, “The Pandemic and Suicide,” I attended a Scars to Stars summit, a program that introduced us to guest speakers who shared their stories while providing us a safe space to share our own stories. I was standoffish, cold, and non-responsive but like the Kevin Hines event, I realized that I wanted to be a guest speaker and that my story was just as powerful. During the second summit, Deana asked me to be a guest speaker, I spoke to the group and gain confidence. That summit opened up my world. From that moment on, I started to come out of my protective shell. I found a community where I fit, I finally belong somewhere.
MSc Transdisciplinary Practice Program
The MSc Transdisciplinary Practice program at Middlesex University has been an uplifting experience, I feel like I matter and that all I have learned on my career path is appreciated and valued. I was struggling to find a program where I fit. A year ago, I was not in a place in my life where I would have benefited from creating a portfolio of my works. Life is now an adventure, a whole new world is opening up for me, because now I believe that I am worthy and deserving. Like so many of my assumptions, I was wrong, I deserve to have good things in my life. I am finding joy in life’s little adventures which in turn give me the freedom that I have desired in this life.
The MSc Transdisciplinary Practice program has brought me back to the path leading to my life’s purpose, and we know when we are “on our path,” by what we feel, if we are happy, we are on the right path, if we feel bad then we are not. Very simply put, this is the third program that I have joined in search of, an elusive PhD/Doctorate degree, I finally found a cohort that gives me a voice.
Project Manager
Deb the Project Manager is different than Deb the Quality Manager. Since taking a new career path as a Project Manager, my demeanor has changed, my stress level has decreased, and I smile more. My boss see’s my worth and appreciates me for what I bring to the group. I was told that, “I am corporate glue,” I bring people together and help to maintain a sense of comradery. This job challenges me in ways that allow me to utilize skills that I have acquired from every job I have ever had.
As a Project Manager, I work with a team that values my abilities and believes in me more that I believe in myself. I have patient mentors that promote my strengths and find ways to strength my weaknesses. My boss, Linda, is different. I can talk to her without fear of being ridiculed or patronized for voicing my opinions, wants or needs. The organizations culture is one that I have always desired to experience and to be a part of, we are like a family but it’s so much better. I’m meeting people everywhere I go and I love hearing their stories. I have allowed my fear to hold me hostage, afraid of the unknown and the thought of traveling to somewhere I have never been, taking an Uber or a Lyft sounded ludicrous. Now I look forward to conversations with strangers everywhere I go.
This job allows me to be a third-party, a position that is sought for certain levels of expertise, the voice that organizations pay to tell them the same thing their employees are telling them, but they are unwilling to listen. This assumption does not encompass all organizations, it’s the behavior that I witnessed on my career path. It’s nice to be the auditor instead of the auditee for a change, less bureaucracy and I don’t get intertwined in office politics. This job always me to teach others through story, the experiences that I have had. We construct stories of self around choice points – moments when we faced a challenge, chose, experienced an outcome, and learned something. We can access the values that move us – and communicate them - by reflecting on these choice points, and describing what happened to another person. And because story telling is a social transaction, one that engages our listener’s memories as well as our own, we often adapt our story of self in response to feedback so the communication works (Ganz, 2010). It also gives me an opportunity to listen to the experiences of others and to gain a new perspective or squash another one of my assumptions. The conversations and people that I meet help to keep me in the present moment, I rarely have time to dwell on the past or wish my life away with projecting into the future.
Every day is different, I am constantly learning about new processes and organizations. I’m no longer afraid to be alone or to go out into the world and meet new people and travel to new places. Fear held me back for most of my life and in one fail swoop, a new career has helped me to realize not only my worth but also what I am capable of. I always assumed that life was just existing, living in a dark hole of self-made misery. Like everyone, my past is riddled with past hurts, in business and in my personal life. I assumed that all organizations treated their employees the same way, that all bosses were out for their own, and that I would not find my niche. I’m happy to say that all of my assumptions were wrong. Every time I get out of an Uber or a Lyft, I always tell the drivers safe travels and that I hope to see them again, even though the chances are slim that I will.